anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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