"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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