The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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