Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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