I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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