the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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