Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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