I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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