You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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