i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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