I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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