I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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