just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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