thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize