Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize