I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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