I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I want is dick and wine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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