So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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