Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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