guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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