Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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