Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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