I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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