why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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