Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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