jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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