I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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