i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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