You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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