The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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