Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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