I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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