Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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We have started to decorate penises.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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