y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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