he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize