Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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