i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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