so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize