I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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