Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you inspire me to be a worse person
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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