worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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