Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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