i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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