So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize