can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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