yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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