omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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