watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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