he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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