its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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